Hello, everyone! I probably should have posted this a lot sooner, but I wasn't even really sure what I was going to do and I figure it's better late than never, for those that are still reading. I don't want to leave anyone hanging.

It's pretty obvious Tabby has been MIA for a good while now, aside from a post here and there or if she's been needed for certain plots. A lot of that has to do with my having less time to keep up with all of the muses I've acquired but it also has to do with the fact I haven't been able to brain for her.

Just a few days ago she had her one year anniversary. It's a little bittersweet at this point, but the fact remains I've loved writing for Tabby and I've loved interacting with everyone she's come to befriend along the way. She's been a lot of fun and I hope at some point she'll come back.

But for now, she's just not in my headspace and I don't want to force it. The moment RP becomes work, you know you need to take a step back.

Hope everyone's well! I'm still around when I can be and I have a new AIM. PM me if you'd like it, or if you have any questions. :)

Tabby and Sally agreed on where they would be meeting for lunch, an outdoor cafe they've frequented plenty of times before. Those times were made for laughter, however. Silly gossip and catching up on what they've missed and playfulness.

Tabby knows this time won't have any of that.

She's there early, for once, playing with the napkin on her lap. She's not really looking at any one thing, just staring down as she waits for Sally.

She's trying to steel herself for the conversation.

( <3? )

I'm sorry.

I want to tell you everything. EVERYTHING. It's just not easy in person. I -

I'm really sorry.

[ooc: characters referenced without permission but SO much love. <3!]

It's a slow realization, how easily she's drifted away from her friends.

A deliberate move on her part. So she wouldn't have to explain her mistakes, so she wouldn't have to admit any of the pain she's caused, so she wouldn't have to face what she's done from the moment Marty Smith stumbled back into her life.

Not to mention every other moment that followed, one chain event after another.

She couldn't stop it and she didn't even try.

It's a realization that's been coming for months now, but it isn't until she's standing in the middle of a vintage jewelry store trying to find a gift for Pria that she's hit with the violent loneliness of it.

( The sky looks pissed. The wind talks back. The bones are shifting in my skin and you my love are gone. My room seems wrong. The bed won't fit. I can not seem to operate and you my love are gone. So glide away and so be healed and promise not to promise anymore. And if you come around again, then I will take the chain from off the door. )

The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially.
--Ernest Hemingway

Tabitha Smith hasn't seen her father since that fateful day he made her regret her decision to stand her ground. There was screaming and fists and blood. What else had ever existed between them?

Loneliness, the memory whispers into her ear. Pain. Anger. Resentments.

She shoves it away along with everything else.

He doesn't need her anymore. He has his money, he's paid his debts, she fades once more into oblivion.

I'm fading.

There is a small corner in the mansion that is hers and if she ever had a home that was it. Not Rogue and Joseph's room that became hers, but the one she shared with Sam. He's away at the farm with Paige (and haven't you pushed everyone way so spectacularly, Tabitha?) and she sleeps there every night without fail.

I'm fading.

She has missions again. She trains until her body is sore and her mind is spent and she collapses into sleep that takes everything else away. She works at the center and she visits her old friends and she tries to help Jade until the girl gives her enough fairy tale references that Tabby simply doesn't understand. I can't save you. I can't save you.

"I used to be a happy and silly girl," she whispers to herself, but in the dark and empty of the room she forgets what it means.

After their first mission, Tabby doesn't leave the safehouse with Rictor or with Josh. She stays behind, in search for Logan. He's out back, smoking a cigar. No big surprise there. She folds her arms as she's hit with the night air and walks up to him.

Standing beside him, she can't come up with a wise ass greeting. There's actually not a whole lot she wants to say, except the truth, and the truth is difficult for her. Truth it's what she's molded to her own wanting, truth is what makes it easier to get through to the next day, truth is the lie she has made up so it doesn't look as ugly as it is.

She looks down at her shoes, shuffling her weight and not really behaving like she normally would.

Tabby can almost hear him in her head. Spit it out, Boomer.

She wishes she could, just like that. But she can't. It's stuck in her throat like shards of glass.